The Sharpest Tack | Ep. 234

See if you can guess this riddle.

You can live by me.
You can keep me about you.
But if you’re not careful, you can also come to my end.
What am I?

The answer is your WITS!

When you “live by your wits,” you’re using your cunning and cleverness. When you “keep your wits about you,” you’re cautious and alert. But if you “come to your wit’s end,” you’re desperate, and don’t know what to do next.

Today’s tale is all about wits – including a battle of wits, where the sharpest wit wins!

Our story is called “The Sharpest Tack.” It’s inspired by tales from many cultures, including the Apache and Lakota of North America and the Uyghurs (alternatively spelled Uighur, Uygur or Uigur) of China. You’ll also find versions from Turkey and across the Middle East.

Voices in this episode include Negin Farsad and Stacey Vanek Smith. Writer, director, comedian and actor Negin Farsad hosts the political comedy podcast, Fake the Nation. If you’re a public radio fan, you’ll recognize her as a regular panelist on Wait, Wait… Don’t Tell Me!, the NPR news quiz. And you’ll know longtime reporter and host Stacey Vanek Smith from such public radio shows as Marketplace, Planet Money and The Indicator from Planet Money. She’s also the author of Machiavelli for Women: Defend Your Worth, Grow Your Ambition, and Win the Workplace.

This episode was adapted for Circle Round by Rebecca Sheir. It was edited by Sofie Kodner. Original music and sound design is by Eric Shimelonis. Our artist is Sabina Hahn.

GROWN-UPS! PRINT THIS so everyone can color while listening. We’re also keeping an album so please share your picture on Facebook and Instagram, and tag it with #CircleRoundPodcast. To access all the coloring pages for past episodes click HERE. Our resident artist is Sabina Hahn and you can learn more about her HERE.

Now it’s your turn!

Now that you’ve heard this story, find someone you have fun with and go back and listen to our other Nasruddin episodes: “The Fire Within” and “The Unwelcome Guest.” You can also read our book, “The Tale of the Unwelcome Guest.”

When you’re done, ask yourself the following questions:

Share your answers with your buddy. Then see if they can come up with even more ideas from their own box of tricks!

Musical Spotlight: Oud

With 11 or 13 strings running up and down its short, fretless neck and gourd-shaped body, the oud is believed to have originated in Persia more than 3,500 years ago.

The Arabic word “oud” translates to “stick” or “from wood”; appropriately, oud-makers use rounded strips of wood to craft the backside of the instrument, and one flat sheet of wood to create the front. Traditionally, oud players have plucked or strummed the oud’s strings with a ‘plectrum’: a long, flat pick that resembles a nail file.

You can hear Eric Shimelonis playing the oud in some other Circle Round stories, including “The Unwelcome Guest”, “The Fire Within” and  “The Sultan’s Figs”!

Story Transcript:

NARRATOR: Everyone in the country knew that when it came to wit and wisdom, no one held a candle to Nasruddin.

After all, Nasruddin was sharper than the sharpest tack, brighter than the brightest button, and slyer than the slyest fox! No one had ever outwitted her – though they certainly had tried!

One day, a newcomer arrived in Nasruddin’s country. She was a merchant by trade, and a crafty one at that. Rather than play by the rules and conduct honest business, the merchant was always playing tricks on people, to cheat them out of their money!

All her life the merchant had fancied herself to be the cleverest one around. So when she heard about the wonderfully witty Nasruddin, she was most displeased.

MERCHANT: Uch! Who does this Nasruddin character think she is? I’ve always been sharper than the sharpest tack! Brighter than the brightest button! And slyer than the slyest fox! And now… I am going to prove it! (beat) 

NARRATOR: The merchant put on her finest shirt and pants… her fanciest velvet coat… her most expensive fur hat… and her shiniest leather boots. Then, garbed in all this splendid finery, she mounted her strongest, fastest horse, and galloped off toward the city where Nasruddin lived.

In a wide open field at the city’s edge, the merchant halted her horse and hopped down. As she got to work building a campsite, she asked a farmer passing by to deliver a message in town.

MERCHANT: Find Nasruddin and tell her that I am a very important merchant who has very important business to discuss. Tell her she must travel to my campsite right away!

NARRATOR: It was nightfall by the time Nasruddin received the message. So the next morning, she made a beeline for the campsite, where the merchant was waiting.

Nasruddin had heard people grumbling about the wily ways and sneaky scams of a newly-arrived merchant. So the moment she spied the woman’s elegant attire – and smug smirk – she instantly knew who she was. But she didn’t let on.

NASRUDDIN: Greetings, madame! I am Nasruddin. Are you the “very important merchant” who wishes to see me?

NARRATOR: The merchant’s smug smirk grew even smugger.

MERCHANT: Why YES, Nasruddin! I AM the very important merchant who wishes to see you! I am also a very SUCCESSFUL merchant – as you can tell from my spectacular steed and glorious garb!

NARRATOR: The woman’s utter lack of humility made Nasruddin’s skin prickle, but she just nodded and grinned.

NASRUDDIN: Of course, madame! Your horse is magnificent – as are your clothes! Clearly you are extraordinarily successful. (beat) But why summon me out here? What can I do for you?

MERCHANT: Well, Nasruddin… I am fairly new to these parts. But ever since I arrived, I’ve been hearing about how quick you are. How clever. How sly… how smart… how slick! Word has it there’s not a person on this earth whom you couldn’t TRICK with your wit!

NARRATOR: Nasruddin shook her head.

NASRUDDIN: To be clear, madame: I don’t use my wit to “trick” people. I use it to  teach them important lessons! To show them how to be kinder, for instance… or more understanding… or – (gets interrupted)

MERCHANT: (interrupting) (impatient) Yes, yes, WHATEVER! The point is, I hear you’re able to outwit anyone. (beat) But I don’t believe you can outwit ME. In fact… I challenge you to try!!!!

NARRATOR: Now remember: Nasruddin was sharper than the sharpest tack, brighter than the brightest button, and slyer than the slyest fox. So, quickly and quietly, she put her sharp, bright, sly mind to work… on a plan.

NASRUDDIN: Well, madame. I am pleased to say that I accept your challenge. (beat) But I must admit: it looks like it’s going to be a tough one. So… may I please go home first and get my box of tricks?

NARRATOR: The merchant wrinkled her brow.

MERCHANT: Your “box of tricks?…?!?? What do you mean??

NASRUDDIN: Well… with a woman as cunning and clever as you are, no simple trick will do! So I’ll need my special box of tricks; it’ll help me up my game! But here’s the thing. My home is very far from here. May I please borrow your horse?

NARRATOR: The merchant hesitated. The horse was the fastest, strongest steed in her stable, and she had paid a pretty penny for it. But she was determined to show Nasruddin what’s what.

MERCHANT: Fine. You may borrow my horse. But go easy on him, won’t you?

NASRUDDIN: Of course! I’ll be as gentle as can be.

NARRATOR: As Nasruddin began walking toward the horse, she suddenly froze mid-stride.

NASRUDDIN: Oh dear. Your horse looks rather nervous, and jumpy! I don’t think he likes me. (beat) Perhaps if you lend me your velvet coat and fur hat, the horse will believe I’m you…?

NARRATOR: The merchant thought this an odd request but she was eager to see that box of tricks.

MERCHANT: Fine! Here you go!

NARRATOR: The merchant pulled off her velvet coat and fur hat and Nasruddin put them on.

But as she was about to mount the horse, she hesitated again.

NASRUDDIN: Actually – your horse still looks really anxious! I don’t think he’s falling for my disguise! Maybe if you gave me your leather boots, too?

MERCHANT: My leather boots?!?

NARRATOR: The merchant sighed.

MERCHANT: Alright, fine! Take them!

NARRATOR: The increasingly impatient woman kicked off her leather boots and Nasruddin pulled them on.

But she still didn’t mount the horse.

NASRUDDIN: Gosh… your horse still looks kind of jittery. Perhaps if you gave me your shirt as well? And your pants?

NARRATOR: The merchant didn't wish to strip down to her skivvies, but she was determined to see this box of tricks. So she grudgingly agreed. She took off her costly silk shirt and hand-sewn satin pants and handed them over.

Now that Nasruddin was wearing all of the merchant’s luxurious, elegant clothing, she finally climbed into the saddle of the merchant’s strongest, fastest horse.

NASRUDDIN: (with faux relief) Ahhhh! That’s MUCH better! I am now ready to accept your challenge and prove that I can, indeed, trick you.

NARRATOR: And with that, Nasruddin gave the reins a tug, and galloped off like the wind.

The merchant sat at her campsite, in her underwear, waiting to see how Nasruddin would use that box of tricks to outwit her.

She waited one hour.

She waited two hours.

She waited many hours.

And then… as the sun went down and the moon came up and the merchant shivered in the darkness… it finally became clear.

She didn’t have to wait to see how Nasruddin would use her box of tricks to outwit her – because the sharp, bright, sly woman already had!!!!

MERCHANT: Ugh! How could I have been so foolish??? (beat) But not to worry. I’ll find a way to get back at Nasruddin for what she’s done. That rapscallion may have won this round. [dramatic] But next time we meet, I shall even the score!!!!! 

NARRATOR: What do you think the merchant will do next?

Will she find a way to get revenge on Nasruddin?

We’ll find out… after a quick break.

[BREAK]

NARRATOR: I’m Rebecca Sheir. Welcome back to Circle Round. Today our story is called “The Sharpest Tack.”

NARRATOR: Before the break, Nasruddin tricked a cocky, conniving merchant into giving up a full suit of fancy clothing and a strong, strapping horse. The merchant vowed to get revenge.

And one day – many, many months later – it appeared she’d get her chance.

She was working a new job by now. Word had spread of her devious ways as a merchant, so she gave up her business and got hired as a border guard. All day long she waited in a little booth on the border, making sure travelers didn’t smuggle any goods into her country. If someone tried sneaking in anything stolen, illegal, or otherwise forbidden, and she caught them, she reported them to the police… and took great pleasure in doing so.

Thus you can imagine the merchant-turned-guard’s delight when she gazed out the window of her booth one day and spotted a familiar face approaching the border.

GUARD: It’s that no-good scoundrel NASRUDDIN! Surely that scallywag is trying to smuggle something illegal across the border. And now it’s my chance to get revenge!

NARRATOR: The guard noticed Nasruddin was traveling by foot, and she was leading a little donkey on a rope. Stacked on the donkey’s back were heavy bales of straw.

A scornful sneer spread across the guard’s face as she motioned for Nasruddin to stop.

GUARD: Nasruddin! We meet again! I would say I’m glad to see you, but my days of dishonesty are far behind me! So I dare not lie!

NARRATOR: Nasruddin returned the guard’s sneer with a smile.

NASRUDDIN: Well, madame. I, for one, am glad to see you! After your dishonesty forced you to give up your merchant business, I was worried you wouldn’t land on your feet. But here you are! Gainfully employed, in spite of everything. And fully clothed!

NARRATOR: The guard rolled her eyes.

GUARD: Listen, Nasruddin. Much as I’d love to continue this chit-chat, I have a job to do. And given everything I know about you and your tricks, I want to make sure you’re not attempting to smuggle any valuable goods across this border. (beat) I must search the donkey!

NARRATOR: Nasruddin shrugged.

NASRUDDIN: You are more than welcome to search this donkey, madame! But I can assure you: all you will find is straw. And there’s nothing illegal about that.

NARRATOR: The guard rolled her eyes again, then went to work pulling the straw bales apart. But even though she succeeded in making quite a mess, she did not succeed in finding anything suspicious.

GUARD: (annoyed) Alright, Nasruddin. You appear to be fine this time. But if I see you again, you can bet I won’t go easy on you!

NARRATOR: Well, as it happens, the guard did see Nasruddin again. One short week later, Nasruddin was back at the border, once again leading a donkey laden with straw bales. The guard’s eyes danced with disdain.

GUARD: You’re back! Surely you have a trick up your sleeve this time, Nasruddin. But you can’t fool me. I’ve brought some help!

NARRATOR: The guard snapped her fingers and a team of assistants came bustling over. They got to work tearing the straw bales to shreds. But… once again… they found nothing suspicious. And, once again, the annoyed guard had to allow Nasruddin to pass.

GUARD: (annoyed) You may proceed. But I’ll get you next time. You’ll see!

NARRATOR: Well, that “next time” came yet another week later. Once more, Nasruddin appeared, leading a donkey carrying bales of straw. But once more, the frustrated guard had to allow Nasruddin to pass.

GUARD: (even more annoyed) You may proceed. But I’ll get you next time!

NARRATOR: The same scene played out the week after that…

GUARD: (even more annoyed) You may proceed.

NARRATOR: …and the week after that…

GUARD: (even more annoyed) You may proceed.

NARRATOR: …and the week after that! 

GUARD: (even more annoyed) You may proceed!

NARRATOR: The guard was growing more and more frustrated. Nasruddin, on the other hand, seemed cool as a cucumber! Each time the guard and her team tore the straw bales apart, Nasruddin just stood off to the side with her arms crossed and an amused glint in her eyes.

Eventually, a year went by. But even though the routine never changed – Nasruddin showed up with a donkey, the guard conducted another fruitless search – one thing did change. Nasruddin appeared… to grow wealthier! Her clothing got more lavish, and bright, sparkling jewels began to appear around her neck, wrists, and fingers.

And yet… every time the guard and her team searched Nasruddin’s donkey, they found nothing suspicious.

GUARD: (most annoyed of all) You may proceed!

NARRATOR: Eventually, the day came when Nasruddin stopped showing up at the border. But the guard couldn’t get Nasruddin out of her mind.

So one day, after work, she traveled to Nasruddin’s house. When she knocked on the door, a butler led her to a spacious courtyard where fountains sprayed, peacocks strutted, and exotic plants grew from gleaming marble pots. In the midst of all this splendor was Nasruddin, sitting on a buttery leather sofa and wearing an embroidered silk gown, glittering diamond earrings, and a broad grin.

NASRUDDIN: Well HELLO, my friend! It’s been a long time since I saw you last. Please sit down – and tell me. To what do I owe the pleasure of this visit?

NARRATOR: The guard walked over and joined Nasruddin on the sofa.

GUARD: Well, Nasruddin… You’re right. It has been a long time. But since I last laid eyes on you, curiosity has burned a hole in my heart. So I’ve come to ask you a question.

NASRUDDIN: A question…? What, like a riddle? (playful) Are you here to test my cleverness again?

GUARD: Nothing of the sort! It’s just… all those years you came to the border leading a donkey, and it seemed like you weren’t smuggling a thing. Yet look at you! You’re living like a queen! I am certain you must have been sneaking in something. (beat) But what was it?

NARRATOR: Nasruddin was quiet for a moment. Then she gave the guard a nod.

NASRUDDIN: The truth is… you’re right! All those years, when you saw me coming to the border leading a donkey… and you painstakingly searched through all those bales of straw… I WAS smuggling something.

GUARD: I knew it! I KNEW you were smuggling something! But I shall never rest in peace until I know what it was. So tell me! I beg you! WHAT WERE YOU SMUGGLING ACROSS THE BORDER????

NARRATOR: Nasruddin leaned back on the sofa. She folded her arms across her chest. Then she looked the guard squarely in the face… and with a smile that stretched from ear to sparkling ear she answered the desperate woman’s question with one simple word.

NASRUDDIN: (relishing this moment) DONKEYS!

NARRATOR: Nasruddin’s revelation hit the guard like a lightning bolt. It was the donkeys that had been forbidden! All this time, the answer had been right in front of her – yet she was nowhere near clever enough to see it.

And thus it came to pass that Nasruddin used her wits to teach an important lesson yet again. Because the merchant-tuned-guard now knew that if you really want to be sharper than the sharpest tack, brighter than the brightest button, and slyer than the slyest fox, a little bit of humility can go a long way!